on being preggo

Jess: For those of you who are freaked out by change, I want to assure you that we'll be going back to normal with me starting the blogs and leaving little scraps of fun stuff for Wes to write about.

Well, I hope by now that most of you have read/heard/found out in one way or another that Wes and I are expecting a baby in early December. This has brought on quite a few questions, and a lot of excitement among our friends and family.

One of the first questions was "whatever happened to adopting?" Well, Wes and I definitely still want to adopt. It's something that's very important to both of us. But as we researched adopting an infant, we started to realize that we just weren't ready for that kind of process. There's a lot of waiting and wondering and nervousness. Also, we are too young to adopt through a lot of places and we didn't want to limit our options. Although we loved Angel Adoption, we then had to take a serious look at the cost. Now, we're well aware that having kids isn't cheap. The problem was that we just weren't ready or able to put forward upwards of $20,000 before even knowing if we would have interested birth parents. That seemed really terrifying for our first kid--especially considering how young we are.

Finally, we talked about adopting infants in general. As many of you may know, adopting an infant is hard. There are a lot of people who have fertility problems, are older, gay couples, etc. who have only a few options for having an infant at all. This isn't a problem for Wes and I, and we didn't want to be "competing" with people like this to have a baby. I for one am leaning more toward having a child or two of our own and then fostering/adopting older children or sibling groups as our children get older. We'll see, but adoption definitely isn't off the table--it's something for a different time/place in our lives.

Another big question is how we're going to manage school and a kid. Why did we choose now? As Wes and I sat down and talked about our options, we realized that waiting till a "good time" would most likely mean waiting for quite some time. If we waited until we were both done with school, that would necessarily mean waiting until I was at least a year or so into my first call, since I wouldn't be comfortable with going on maternity leave any earlier than that. We just didn't see a "good time" opening up for a long time, and we've been talking about kids for awhile. So here we are. Wes will be finishing school for good (at least until he decides to get a doctorate) at about the same time the baby comes. I'll be taking some time off at the end of the semester, and then not taking a J-term class this year, which means I'll have about 2 months off with the baby before going back to school. Then we're just going to figure out what works for our family in terms of class and work and everything else.

Finally, the most important question: are you going to find out if it's a boy or a girl? Yes! But don't ask us about names, because those are going to be a secret until little Wessica/Wessico's birthday. :)

Wes: YAY! We're having a baby! Woo Hoo! It's a boy, by the way. Jessica won't admit it, but it's true. I just have a feeling. And everyone knows that the father's gut instinct is always right when it comes to the gender of the unborn baby.

That was sarcasm. Jesus invented it.

We really don't have any other news to share, and our lives are now completely engulfed in baby mania, so I don't even have any pressing issue to talk about. Really, it's just the baby. So, since Jess didn't leave me anything specific to talk about, I'll tell you about some of my favorite responses we've received so far once we've told people that we were pregnant. And, just to make it entertaining, I will share them in the form of awards.

The award for Most Excited Response goes to my Papa and Mamaw (Mom's parents). Even after the blatant, "We've got great news, so we need you both on the phone" line I fed them, they still acted as if they had no idea what was going on. Then, when we told them, they yipped and hollered and celebrated with us in the most awesome and glorious way.

The award for Most Awkward Response that was Filled with the Most Amount of Sexual Innuendo goes to my Grandpa (Dad's dad). His initial response was something along the lines of "You finally figured it out!", and they just got... worse... from there. Definitely made Jess and I laugh, and reminded me just why I love my family in all of it's great glory.

The award for Cutest Response goes to Mallory Grau, a friend of ours from TLU. On Jess' Facebook post where we announced to the interweb our wonderful news, she responded with the phrase, "you did it!" We laughed at this for quite a while.

The award for Best Dumbfounded Look goes to my little sister, Katherine. We face-timed with my family to tell them the news, and Katherine's reaction was priceless. Her eyes got real big, and her mouth hung open for a good minute before she realized that she hadn't actually said anything yet. Then she smiled big and said, "YAAAAAAYYY!" It was great.

Well, those are the awards for now. Maybe if I think of any more awesome responses, I'll share those a little later.

By the way, shameless plug, we have our registries (I know, already!) at Target and BabiesRUS.

That's all for now! You stay classy, World Wide Web!

-wes and jess

Extension Ministries

Wes: WHAT? Wes goes first?! Has hell frozen over??? Well, no, but for the first time in our blog's history, I'm taking the initiative to start the blog. Why, you may ask? Is something wrong with Jess? Has some life-changing, momentous occasion happened and only Wes can accurately capture it in his wondrous webs of words?

Well, no. I just actually had something that I thought would be cool about, and I had a free few minutes to write it. Stop reading into this. It's nothing special. 

Gosh. 

Anyways, back to the topic at hand. I wanted to share with y'all the experience that I just had while on a class field trip. That's right. Princeton has field trips. Be jealous. I am in a May term class right now. For those of you who do not know what I'm talking about, this is a three-week intensive class, usually pass/fail. The class is on Campus Ministry and Other Young Adult Ministry Models. It's amazing. I've absolutely loved it and I've learned a lot about myself and my vocational call from this class. We have spoken with church pastors who specialize their ministries to attract young adults, campus ministers who work specifically with college-aged young adults, and military chaplains working with our military (which, you might know, is comprised primarily of young adults). It's been wonderful. 

Our field trip was a two-day excursion to Washington DC, where we focused our time on military chaplaincy. We met probably 20 different military chaplains on our two-day trip, all of them ranging in denomination and military branch. Now, for those of you who may not already know, I have a deep respect for those who serve in our armed forces. They are doing a job many do not want and they are serving a country full of many who do not respect or appreciate their work and sacrifice. As someone who grew up in a military family, I saw just what duty requires of enlisted soldiers, and I will always hold the highest respect for those willing to engage in this work. I have also always been interested in military chaplaincy. I'd have to lose quite a few pounds to be able to enter into it, and it doesn't really fit with Jess' and my calls in life, so I have always been of the mind that it would always be a ministry avenue I would respect but never engage. 

Then, during this trip, I had the blessing of speaking to an Air Force Reserve chaplain. He is an ordained elder in the United Methodist Church, and his wife is also an ordained elder. And he made it all work by working in the Reserves. This opened up a whole new avenue of ministry for me that I had not even known about. If I were to pursue this, I could easily serve in a local church or campus ministry appointment as well as serve in the Reserves. It would mean that one week a month I work quite a bit more than the other weeks, and it would mean that I have to work hard to get in shape physically, but both of those things are doable! (Even if the getting in shape might kill me). So, now that I am home and am back in the real world, I have been thinking a lot about this and praying about it, and everything that I am feeling about it says that it's a worthy pursuit and it would lead to worthwhile ministry. I know that I want to be in the local church for a while first so that I can gain the experience needed to be able to best minister to all, but I am also going to start gearing up for this, finding out who I need to talk to so that I can get the ball rolling on this, working on building relationships within the church that could help me with this endeavor, and working to get in shape. 

Please be praying for me as I work toward this, and pray that--whether this is something that happens a few years down the road or right when I get out of seminary--God will use me to bless those serving in the military so that they too might come to know the love that their Lord has for them

Jess: Wes didn't even bother to consult me on this, and I feel like he has everything we need to say already, so...I'll write about this summer.

Those of you who talk with us regularly already know that I'll be doing CPE this summer. CPE stands for Clinical Pastoral Education. For me, that means I'll be working as a chaplain in our local hospital, Robert Wood Johnson, all summer long. It's a requirement of the ELCA's candidacy process, so I can't get ordained or even do my internship without first serving in this capacity. It's basically an unpaid internship as a chaplain. I believe that there are opportunities to do a CPE in a prison setting, but I don't think I'm ready for that.

Honestly, I'm not sure if I'm ready to work in a hospital, either. I spent quite a bit of time in the hospital as a kid. I went with Dad quite regularly to visit parishoners who were hospitalized for one reason or another. Sometimes I got to see new babies. Sometimes we were just there as support for a family during surgery. Once, a day a remember vividly, we went to visit a congregation member who had suffered a brain injury which took years for her to recover from. So the hospital isn't a great place for me. I've seen a lot of sick people and I guess I just have a fear of what might happen there. I tend to forget all of the healing that takes place. I forget that some people go to the hospital to have life-saving surgery, to have broken bones healed, or to have babies. I focus on the negative a lot.

Even more terrifying for me, however, is my tendency to empathy. When other people are in pain--be it emotional, physical, or spiritual--I feel that pain, too. And I always want to fix it. I'm going to be in a lot of situations this summer where I simply can't fix what's wrong. I'm not sure how I'm going to handle that. It will be an interesting experiment in how much someone can learn in one summer.

As I was discussing (whining about) CPE with Linda awhile ago, she pointed out a few things that really have helped me get a grip on this and start to look forward to the summer. First off, I'm not in a trauma center, I'm not in a cancer hospital, etc. Although I will have to deal with death and severe illness, I won't be with the worst of the worst. What helped more, though, was Linda pointing out that I obviously don't want to be a hospital chaplain in the future. That's not part of my call to ministry. So she told me to make a goal for the summer--something that I want to achieve by putting myself in this sometimes terrifying situation.

Always the overachiever, I chose two: first, to get to a point where I can be in the same room as someone who is in pain and not be crying. I want to be able to help them in whatever way I can, whether prayer, time to talk, or just silent presence. That's going to be difficult if I'm bawling my eyes out. Second, I want to be in a place where I can go to the hospital and not tense up. I want to feel more comfortable wandering the halls, so that when I go to visit sick parishoners, I'm not making a bad situation worse with my own inability to deal with it.

Well, there you go...two discussions of extension ministries. Our journey just gets more exciting with every step!

You stay classy, World Wide Web.

Wes and Jess

Does Seminary Matter?

Jess: Our wonderful friend Allison sent us a huge list of potential blog topics over a month ago, and then we kind of forgot to write blogs forever. One of her questions-- which is pretty relevant now, as I complete my first year of seminary, and Wes is almost done-- was "why is seminary important?" So, here it is:

When I first felt the call to ministry in high school, I knew what the educational component entailed. Since my dad is a pastor, I already knew what he had been through, and I knew the general structure of college and seminary. I really didn't understand the point, however. Why should I go through all of that training when I felt called to be a pastor? Hadn't God already given me the gifts I needed to be a good pastor? Is a master's degree really necessary?

Even now, I definitely have some questions about seminary. I do however, recognize the value and importance of seminary education. Giftedness is definitely a big component of this job. Seminaries and candidacy committees are trained to recognize this. Those who feel the call should be able to recognize their own gifts, as well as their areas for improvement. Yet, like with many vocations, having the gifts does not mean one is actually prepared to do the job. Having the gift of preaching does not mean that I have a solid theological background. Having the gift of empathy does not mean that I could properly care for someone in spiritual need.

Seminary education is about more than just the classes, too. We live and learn in community. I have a nice pool of colleagues already, who I know I could call on in a time of need once I'm ordained. They each have their gifts and strengths, and I know that there are some who could help me with certain aspects of ministry that I am not as well-prepared to tackle. Our final this semester in Confessions is actually structured in such a way that our professor told us to prepare in groups, learning from one another and helping each other through the process.

Then there is field education, CPE (summer chaplain work in a hospital or prison), and internship. These things feed off of our education, yet also teach us where we need more work. For example, I already know that I have an issue with hospitals. I hope to get over my fear of hospitals this summer, but there is more to pastoral care of the sick than just being able to go into a hospital or nursing home. That's what my classes can help with--the concrete answers to situations. There might not be one right answer, but at least I'll have something to work with, books to consult, professors and other students to talk to.

Seminary is important. I can't describe everything I've learned this year, and how much more prepared I feel to be a pastor. I also know more about myself, and how far I have to go. There is much to learn, and many congregations would be sorely lacking without seminary trained pastors.

Wes: So. Seminary. That thing that at times seems like the bane of my existence as my professors and the administration try to suck the life out of me and at other times seems like a wonderful opportunity to grow in knowledge and faith of God.

Seminary.

Does it matter? Absolutely. Is it utterly important for any person seeking vocational ministry to be able to competently engage their calling and make a difference in the world? Absolutely not.

Seminary is meant to be a professional school--that which equips students with the tools of the trade so that they can be competent and effective ministers in their different context. This is not the only way to receive this training, nor--in some peoples' minds--is it the best. I know plenty of extremely effective and engaging ministers who have never set foot on a seminary campus. They are full of love of God and love of creation and have unique gifts in delivering the Gospel to the world. Most of them spent the majority of their lives working in a different career and were then able to take the things they learned in life and apply them to the preaching and pastoring of a church or congregation. They do an amazing job, and some have made a long-lasting impact in the world for the Kingdom.

But for the majority of pastors-to-be, especially if you are pursuing vocational ministry as their first (and hopefully only) career, seminary is not only an amazing gift for the ministry candidate, it is required by his/her denominational polity and candidacy committee. This is absolutely true for Jess and I. We have been charged by our denominations to actively engage our studies in the hope that we will be able to glean the knowledge and wisdom to better shepherd the Lord's sheep wherever we are sent. This is not meant to be a punishment of any kind, nor is it simply formality that we must endure before we are allowed to do the real work of ministry. This is a time of preparation, a time of discernment, and a time of growth.

For me, my seminary career has been a bittersweet experience. Princeton is a highly academic campus (no kidding, right?) as I spoke on in a previous blog post, and I honestly do not think that I am academic enough for the majority of the classes. This has led to me struggling through much of the work as I try to grasp the practicalities of what I'm learning. But, all that being said, I firmly believe that I have learned a lot--both about theology (in its different forms) and about myself. This has been a wonderful time altogether, and--whereas I do not necessarily feel completely ready for full-time ministry with all of its pitfalls, twists, and turns--I do feel like I am much more prepared for pastoral ministry than when I graduated from TLU.

So does seminary matter? For me and for Jess? Yes. For any and every person? Maybe not as much. But it has been a blessing for us, and will continue to be so (God-willing).

So that's all for now! You stay classy, World Wide Web!

Love,

Jess and Wes

Hunger Games

Jess: Wes and I went to see the Hunger Games at midnight when it came out. I've never been to a midnight showing before, so I was pretty excited about the possibility of finally seeing the awesomeness that is a movie at midnight. It was pretty fun, and the mass of high school/middle school kids didn't even bother me that much. I'm not sure if I need to ever go see a movie at midnight again, but it was definitely a fun experience. 

*****Spoiler alert*****  Don't read past this if you haven't read/seen the first book of the Hunger Games (and don't want it ruined). 



So there we are, watching the basically fabulous screen version of The Hunger Games. I really think they did a great job translating the book into a movie, which is a rare compliment from me. Part of that might have something to do with the fact that I read the book last summer and don't remember all of the minor details. Most of the changes were pretty necessary, like the fact that there are some extra interactions among the game masters, to point out what Katniss discovers by thinking through the events of the Games in the book. Cato, the last character to die, doesn't die in misery nearly as long as in the book, and he has an extra speech, both of which made me kind of happy. There was a missing character, and I believe she becomes important later on, so I wonder how they'll work that out. The only major problem I had was that I really didn't think Haymitch was characterized correctly. He didn't seem like someone who had been drinking his life away for 24 years. The Reaping was perfect, the Games were well done, and the killings were handled with grace.

What upset me about the movie was that the people (i.e. high schoolers and middle schoolers) seemed to completely miss the point of the book. Perhaps there were people in the theatre who hadn't read the book, but the movie made the themes very clear. Wes and I have been deeply disturbed by the themes in The Hunger Games, particularly the idea of the government keeping its citizens subdued by forcing children to fight to the death. Beyond that, there is the great disparity between district 1 and district 12. We're well aware of the reality of poverty in America, and although we are not divided into districts, there is a clear difference between the rich and poor areas of the nation and cities. As terrifying as this book and its themes are, it's not as if we're THAT far away from this potential. We like to think that we're safe in our democracy and that we'll be fine. Sure, 9/11 and the recession have dealt us some blows, but haven't we pulled ourselves up by our bootstraps and fixed it all?

Maybe the problem I have with the reactions of the kids in the theatre is unfair. I honestly thought that maybe they just didn't get it, that the themes were too far-reaching and over their heads. Then I talked to the freshmen in the Confirmation class the following Sunday, and they didn't seem to have any problem grasping how terrifying the themes in the books really are. Maybe they don't get just how fragile our balance in the US is, but they definitely didn't see the books as something to laugh off. Yet the kids in the theatre cheered when kids died. CHEERED. Kids between the ages of 12 to 18, kids their age, were dying bloody, terrifying, ugly deaths at the hands of their peers. All because of the adults who forced them into this situation. And the kids in the theatre clapped and cheered when they died. 

Most of the kids in the books are not bad people. They are not killers, excited at the chance to win victory for their district. Most of them are hoping not to die slowly--they know their chances of surviving are slim. Yes, there are a few kids who have been trained for this, and are excited for the chance to kill their peers. But even they are the victims of a terrible system. As readers/viewers, we live in the tension of wanting Katniss to win the Games, yet knowing that she will have to kill other kids to do so. She is not the noble character Peeta, who simply doesn't want to lose his identity in the course of the Games. She wants to win, to get back to her family, and if she has to kill someone to do that, she will--and does. Yet should we cheer when she is forced to kill someone else for the sake of her own survival? Should we be glad that Cato, who finally realized how he has been manipulated for his entire life, dies an awful, bloody death?

I was appalled by this reaction. How did everyone miss the point? One of the articles I read about the Hunger Games was about whether to take kids under 13 to the movie. The author pointed out that, unlike in Harry Potter, there is no clear line between good and evil in the Hunger Games--at least not in this book. In Harry Potter, even kids can say "that guy is bad" or "that one is good." In the Hunger Games, each character is a mix--Katniss has the good characteristics of wanting to care for her family, of caring about Rue's safety, and of not hunting people down to kill them. Yet she DOES kill, she manipulates Peeta, and she breaks the law with Gale. How can we just call her "good"? In the same way, we can't call the other tributes "bad" just because they're not the protagonist of the story. It's a tough situation--and the kids missed the point completely. 

Overall, the movie was great. I wonder what we're teaching kids, though, if they're unable to grasp the meaning of these books/movies. They're not just fun books. There are some really deep, terrifying themes in these books. I've heard that some teachers are having the kids read these books in class. First, I hope that that doesn't ruin them, like most books were ruined for me in school. Second, I hope that they talk about the themes, about how this isn't just another teenage love story, about how that's not even the point! If we don't recognize the truth behind these books, how will we avoid a future like this?


Wes: So, after having a couple weeks to ruminate on this experience, here are my thoughts on the Hunger Games:


As far as books to movies go, this was superbly done. As we saw with the Harry Potter books, it is a pretty difficult task to take a book where a large portion of the plot is driven and explained by a character's thoughts and turn it into a great movie. To do this well, the Hunger Games movie had to add in certain scenes where the main character, Katniss, is completely absent. I thought that these cutaway scenes really added to the plot, as well as showed us some depth in certain characters that the author, by necessity, had to leave flat. 


Other added-in lines of dialogue really hit home for me and gave a side of the Games that could easily be missed. The first of these was when Caesar Flickerman is commentating on a previous Game clip, and he says something along the lines of, "This is when we see the tribute turn from killer into victim." He wasn't talking about a fallen tribute, but the change in one of the youths that was forced to kill another. This showed me that even those in Capital (other than Cinna, of course, who's just awesome) see the horror in this at times. The biggest one of these added-in lines for me, though, was when Cato, the brute tribute who most likely killed more than any of the others, makes the comment that he finally understands what's going on and that it doesn't really matter who lives or dies in these games as long as they are entertained. The horror of the situation was not lost on even him. 


All that to say, I thought the movie was great. 


But my viewing experience was ruined during that midnight showing, and it had nothing to do with the film itself. First, someone up in the projector room forgot to actually turn the projector on, so for the first five minutes of previews, all we got was the sound. I don't really care about this, but you should have seen the theater full of high schoolers flip out because the screen was blank during the previews. It was unbelievable. People were screaming and yelling about it, getting visibly mad about the lack of previews! 


I turned to Jess at one point and asked her, "Capital?" Our theater was close to becoming the very society that Suzanne Collins' book rails against. Because of a mistake in the projector room. 


To add injury to injury, every time one of the tributes died, the theater would erupt in applause. Now, I know that we as the reader/viewer are supposed to root for Katniss and Peeta. That's just how it goes. But this book was written and this movie made to show the horrors that can happen when we place our own entertainment above the lives of others. Yes, this was a movie. Yes, the heroes won. But the bad guys were not the other tributes. The bad guys are Capital, and the government and society that annually forces adolescents to fight for their very lives in a sick and twisted game. 


Cato was not the bad guy. 


Rue was not the bad guy. 


Thresh was not the bad guy. 


Fox Face, Glimmer, and Clove were not the bad guys.


President Snow was the bad guy. Seneca Crane was the bad guy. The peacekeepers were bad guys. To a certain extent, even Effie Trinket was a bad guy. 


But those high schoolers that night cheered over the deaths of innocent children. It still gives me chills to think about it today. 


I don't know if anyone else had a similar experiences while watching the movie. From what I've heard, this might have just been a midnight showing thing, where everyone was bursting with anticipation and could not wait to see their new favorite book up on the silver screen. I hope no one else had to experience that, and I hope no one I know was one of the ones cheering. 


It was scary. 


It was Capital. 


So now we want to hear from you! What did you think of the movie? What was your experience while watching it? How close do you think we are to being the Capital portrayed in Suzanne Collins' heart-wrenching books?


Let us know!


You stay classy, World Wide Web!




-wes and jess

Tejas

Jess: Although we had some wonderful suggestions about what to write for this blog, we decided to go the boring route and tell y’all what we did over our trip to Texas.

I think I can safely speak for both of us when I say our bi-annual trips to Texas, while wonderful, have been pretty stressful at times. With the exception of our trip last August, we have always traveled down for someone’s wedding. Wes has been in those weddings, and our trip this November will be for a wedding I’m in. Weddings are wonderful. We love seeing our friends get married, and we’re so happy that so many have included us in their special day.

But weddings are also a lot of work—even for those of us who are just bridesmaids/groomsmen. At the very least, the two or three days leading up to the wedding are filled with parties, rehearsals, and last minute planning. Hence our trip in August: we were trying to have a time where our agenda was our own. We failed pretty badly at making the trip relaxing, though, because we flew into north Texas, drove down to Austin/San Antonio, and drove back up at the end of the week. Not exactly a relaxing time.

Somehow, though, this trip has been by far the most relaxing one in the more than two years we’ve lived in New Jersey. It seems like we finally hit a good balance. We knew enough of our general plan to know when we needed to crash with friends and whose car we would borrow. But we didn’t have a million things we had to do. We had whole days where we just hung out, with little to no agenda.

To top off the amazingly relaxing experience, Tim and Brittany’s wedding was just plain wonderful. They had a little outdoor ceremony on the first hole of a golf course. Our friends Jeremy and Amanda co-led the service, and it was just awesome. Then we headed into the golf club building and the reception was beautiful, too. We were able to hang out with all of our TLU friends, there was dancing, there was cake, and the food was delicious. Although Wes and I didn’t get to see a ton of the bride and groom, we did have one awesome party experience. And we didn’t have to be responsible for anyone or anything.

We really miss our friends in Texas while we’re in New Jersey, and we love going home because we feel like we’re celebrities when we get there. Everyone is so happy to see us, they change their work schedules to accommodate our vacation, and life is just so easy. We feel incredibly blessed to have such great friends from our time in college, and even more blessed that they’re willing to go through the pain of long-distance friendship.

Wes: So Jess decided to leave it to me to actually tell y’all what we did. Our departure from Philly was one of the most potentially stressful flights that I think I have ever had. When we made it to our gate last Wednesday, we were told that we were not going to be able to make our connecting flight from Dallas to San Antonio. Instead of getting to the Alamo City at around 9 pm, we weren’t going to be able to get there until midnight. And since we had a two-hour drive after this, it wasn’t going to get us home until 2 am. That wasn’t going to work. So I called up some of our friends in the Arlington area and we sparked a plan. Elizabeth would pick us up from the airport and take us to Jon. Jon would then drive us from Arlington to Hico, where we would meet my dad and go home. It all worked out, and not only were we home before midnight; I was able to get a Dublin Dr. Pepper!

Here was the rest of our schedule in a nutshell with some major points to along with it:

Thursday—Slept in. Dad made breakfast tacos. Jess went to bachelorette party. Wes played pool into the wee hours of the morning.

Friday—Slept in a little less. Picked up Jess from Austin. Ate lunch with grandparents. Jess, Wes and Dad played pool into the wee hours of the morning.

Saturday—Hung out with family and went to breakfast. Had coffee with one of Wes’ mentors. Got lost on the way to wedding. Made it to the wedding with seconds to spare. Partied all night with good friends whom Wes and Jess dearly missed. Made some very important life decisions.

Sunday—Went to church at University United Methodist Church. Heard a great message and worshipped with Mark Swayze Band! Lunch at Magic Time Machine. Jess went dress shopping for Kelli’s wedding. Wes and friends floated the Comal River. Rudy’s for dinner.

Monday—Woke up at 5 am to drop Dad off at Texas State. Led chapel at TLU and saw more friends and great mentors. Coffee with Shook. Lunch with favorite professor. Sat in on storytelling class. 3 hrs in Freddy’s Frozen Custard doing paperwork. Dinner at Mamacitas. Late night fun and great conversations with Ryan.

Tuesday—Wes has early morning candidacy meeting with DCOM. Wes was unanimously approved! Yay! Riverboat tour on San Antonio Riverwalk. Lunch with Mark Swayze. Dinner with more of Wes’ family.

Wednesday—fly home…

Well, that was our trip in a nutshell. To be precise, a pecan shell. For those that we got to see and hang out with, thanks for making time for us! For those we didn’t get to see, please know that we love you, we just made it a point not to make any plans this time.

Goodbye for now, Texas! We promise we’ll be home again soon! But until then, you stay classy, World Wide Web.

-Jess and Wes

Grading and the Downfall of the American Seminarian

Jess: Wes and I both have a problem. We like to get good grades. We like it so much that sometimes we forget that we're in school to learn, not to get A's. And sometimes, getting an A doesn't mean we've learned, and getting a B or C doesn't mean we haven't. On the first day of Confessions, Dr. Wengert informed us of the scale he and a fellow professor had devised years ago, which boils down to B- students making the best pastors. I'm not sure I buy into that, but his point was clear: perfection is not the answer. 

So when I got my first paper back from his class and got a B-, I was torn. When I was in middle/high school, I was expected to get A's. In Hudson, Ohio, this was a pretty formidable task. Yet I tried, and failed to get straight A's. Eventually, both my parents and I realized that that was an unrealistic expectation, and I worked on trying my best. This resulted in a pretty healthy attitude about grades, but not any sort of delusion that not trying would get me far in life. 

In college, I got one B. In four years. So my perfectionist streak came back, despite the years of fighting against it throughout high school. Why shouldn't I get A's if I was clearly capable of making straight A's? Why would I accept anything less from myself? Why would I allow myself to "fail"? This came back to bite me in the butt when I got a B+ on a final paper during my first semester senior year. I spent quite awhile agonizing over it, got mad at my favorite professor about it, beat myself up about it for days, and then finally realized that 1) I was still getting an A in the class and 2) A B+ is not failure. It means there's room for improvement. And isn't there always?

Now here I am in my first year of seminary, and you would think that I had held onto that lesson from my senior year of college. Yet, somehow, I've latched back onto the idea that A's make me a better person or something. That anything less than perfection is unacceptable. Finally, though, after that first B-(on just one small, fairly insignificant, first paper of the semester, mind you), I've realized my own silliness. I might still attach some weight to grades. Pretending that grades don't mean anything is just as bad as thinking that they mean everything. An A, B, C, D, or F does not determine my personal worth. Yet each one says something about the effort I put into a task, the work I've already accomplished, and how far I have to go. An A means I've come close to mastering a particular subject. A B means I need some work. Yet my learning is never going to be complete, no matter how great I feel about myself. 

The biggest thing I realized within the last few weeks is that no one is going to be grading me in "real life." I know I probably should have recognized that awhile ago, but any of you who know me know how perfectionist I can be, and that sometimes clouds the rest of what's happening. Anyway, when I give a sermon or teach a class or do pastoral care, no one is going to give me a grade. And even more important, those who are judging or deciding whether I'm doing a good job or not are not going to be as kind as my professors who genuinely want me to succeed. I need to get past this obsession with grades and look forward to the future, and what really matters. 


Wes: First off, ditto to all of Jess' comments. She didn't leave me with much to say, so I'll just make up a bunch of stuff. 


But seriously.


I have always been an A student. I remember when I was younger and my parents would reward my good grades on my report card. I would get a dollar for every point I improved from last grading period, and five dollars for every perfect grade. Then, at some point, they just... stopped paying me. I guess I was costing them too much money, or they thought I had grown out of the need for handouts. Either way, I still felt this need to make all A's. 


That didn't necessarily mean that I tried my hardest, though. Truth be told, I spent most of junior high and high school sleeping my way through class and earning high A's the whole time. My mom--the English teacher--and my aunt--also an English teacher--would get upset with me at times. They said that if I would just try a little harder, I could have been making 100's in all my classes and could be valedictorian. I figured, though, that as long as I was making A's, it was good enough. This mindset got me through high school, and I ended up fourth in my class. Do I ever regret not putting forth the effort to be better? Not really. I had fun in high school and did not let grades hold the highest priority in my life. 


Then I got into college. I'm one of those idiots who took Biblical Greek my very first semester. Because of some outside events that were out of my control and because I honestly just did not put forth the effort to learn as much as I should, I ended the first semester with a B. That would be the first of three, and the other two would come up the very next semester. After that, I decided that I would make sure that everything else--especially the classes within my major--was a close to perfect as I could do. I worked hard on my papers and projects, trying to prove mainly to myself that I had it in me to be the absolute best. I ended up graduating Summa Cum Laude, and do not at all regret the work I put into those classes. 


Seminary, though, is a completely different ballgame. I have worked my keister off (yeah, I just used that word) and have earned a handful of A's as well as a handful of B's. It seems like the classes I've worked the hardest in are the ones in which I've received the lowest grades! I don't think that's fair, but that is life. 


I really struggle with my grades. I've come home after receiving back papers and been completely depressed because I did not get the grade I thought I deserved. A grade of a "C" is not and never has been "average" for me. An "A" is average. Nothing else is allowed. Obviously, this is something that I need to work on...


But here is my problem with the whole grades thing right now. I feel like there is not much grace in this institution that is supposed to be preparing me to share God's grace with the world. I have now been told by a preceptor and a professor that if my paper is not publishable as is, it is not "A" quality work. Now, I can understand high standards at a place like Princeton (or really in any Master's program), but this seems a little unreasonable to me. Especially when, once again, this is a church institution, I would think that a little grace would shine through. Now all of the profs act this way, though, which is nice, but enough do that it is still a struggle for me. It takes away some of the fun in the learning for me, when I'm constantly struggling to make sure I am meeting what seem to be unreachable standards. I have taken a few classes pass-fail, which is great, but since I want to be able to pursue a doctorate at sometime in the future, I cannot take too many of these because it doesn't look so swell on applications. 


I just feel like there should be a better way to do this. 


What are your thoughts, oh web of the cyber? Do/did you struggle with grades? What are your thoughts of the expectations of individuals and institutions today?


You stay classy, World Wide Web!


-wes and jess

Lent!

Jess: Lent is right around the corner (five days away to be exact), and Wes and I have come up with a pretty interesting Lenten discipline this year. St. Mark is going to be reading through a book called Simplify Your Life, so we’re kind of playing off of that theme. I also started formulating the idea when we were talking about the Commandments in Confirmation. Wes and I are going to intentionally have a Sabbath every Saturday during Lent.

One of the things we talked about during Confirmation was that the Sabbath was instituted for the good of all. No one was allowed to do work on the Sabbath, from the most king down to the animals. The point was not that some people got a day off to rest and regenerate, but that everyone in the Israelite community did. For this reason, the Sabbath requires quite a bit of intentionality. If no one is allowed to cook on the Sabbath, then everyone must think ahead and get food taken care of the previous day. If you can’t travel, then all of your errands need to be done the day before.

Wes and I spent a little while hashing out the details of what a Sabbath would look like for us. As you may remember, we both expressed the desire to spend some more time together—not just being in the same room, but focusing on one another and building our relationship. This is part of what led into the Sabbath idea. For that reason, we quickly established that sitting around watching movies/TV is not the Sabbath we’re looking for. Sure, watching some TV might factor into a restful day, but not comprise the whole thing.

We are going to be closing our computers and turning off our phones on the Sabbath, as well. Especially with school, we spend a lot of time on our computers, and these dang iPhones are just plain distracting. If our goal is to focus more on one another and our relationship, and be peaceful, that doesn’t mesh with the little “ding” noises every time we get a text.

Finally, we were both a little concerned about getting our homework done. We’re aware of the benefits of taking a break from studying. Yet taking an entire day off from reading and doing homework just won’t be conducive to succeeding this semester. Again, part of a Sabbath is being intentional. But if we’re too busy stressing out about what we still have left to do, there’s no way we’ll be relaxed. So we decided that homework can be done until 2 p.m. on Saturdays. After that, we’ll go take a walk, cook dinner together, etc.

I’m pretty excited to see where this goes and what it teaches us about rest. If God took the time for it, we probably should, too.  

Wes: I had a weird thing happen to me at my churches. As many of you know, we've been working through The Story, which goes through the biblical narrative (NIV) in 31 chapters. We've been doing a chapter a week for the most part (with the exception of those few times that I crammed two together for the sake of finishing on time for Lent), and it's been a wonderful thing for both me and the church. I feel like I've grown in my competence of Scripture, and for many people in my church, they are moving into a biblically literate life because of it. 

So a few weeks' ago, we as a church witnessed and celebrated the death and resurrection of Christ. Before Lent. We will finish up The Story next week (yeah, I didn't calculate it out perfectly... Oh well...) and then immediately move into Lent as we prepare again for Holy Week and all that it holds.

Do you get what means? My season of Lent this year is bookended by the resurrection of Jesus.

Weird, right?

One of my friends on Facebook made a comment that I was celebrating Easter a little early. I felt like I was! But in a way, I'm very glad for this, because it has reminded me of a very important aspect of my faith: I celebrate the resurrection of Christ every Sunday. Each Sunday can, should, and must be an Easter celebration!

Too much of the time, though, this is far, far from the case. I find myself bogged down in the Law of religion that I often forget the Grace of God that is present there as well! (That was a shout out to all of my Lutheran friends, b-t-dubs). This Lent, as Jess and I engage in intentional Sabbath time, as we remember that from dust we have come and to dust we shall return, as we reflect on the testing, the trials, the temptation, and the passion of Christ, I am going to work hard to put it all in context. I going to strive to live into the call of all of the disciples to be an Easter people. 

And I'm going to remember what it is all about. 

I'll also probably end up going to church a lot more since Jess is working with a bunch of Lutherans who worship together on Wednesday nights. That'll be fun. 

So what are your plans for Lent? We'd love to hear them! Maybe we can all be praying for each other as we covenant together in our Lenten disciplines this year. 

You stay classy, World Wide Web!

-jess and wes