Grading and the Downfall of the American Seminarian

Jess: Wes and I both have a problem. We like to get good grades. We like it so much that sometimes we forget that we're in school to learn, not to get A's. And sometimes, getting an A doesn't mean we've learned, and getting a B or C doesn't mean we haven't. On the first day of Confessions, Dr. Wengert informed us of the scale he and a fellow professor had devised years ago, which boils down to B- students making the best pastors. I'm not sure I buy into that, but his point was clear: perfection is not the answer. 

So when I got my first paper back from his class and got a B-, I was torn. When I was in middle/high school, I was expected to get A's. In Hudson, Ohio, this was a pretty formidable task. Yet I tried, and failed to get straight A's. Eventually, both my parents and I realized that that was an unrealistic expectation, and I worked on trying my best. This resulted in a pretty healthy attitude about grades, but not any sort of delusion that not trying would get me far in life. 

In college, I got one B. In four years. So my perfectionist streak came back, despite the years of fighting against it throughout high school. Why shouldn't I get A's if I was clearly capable of making straight A's? Why would I accept anything less from myself? Why would I allow myself to "fail"? This came back to bite me in the butt when I got a B+ on a final paper during my first semester senior year. I spent quite awhile agonizing over it, got mad at my favorite professor about it, beat myself up about it for days, and then finally realized that 1) I was still getting an A in the class and 2) A B+ is not failure. It means there's room for improvement. And isn't there always?

Now here I am in my first year of seminary, and you would think that I had held onto that lesson from my senior year of college. Yet, somehow, I've latched back onto the idea that A's make me a better person or something. That anything less than perfection is unacceptable. Finally, though, after that first B-(on just one small, fairly insignificant, first paper of the semester, mind you), I've realized my own silliness. I might still attach some weight to grades. Pretending that grades don't mean anything is just as bad as thinking that they mean everything. An A, B, C, D, or F does not determine my personal worth. Yet each one says something about the effort I put into a task, the work I've already accomplished, and how far I have to go. An A means I've come close to mastering a particular subject. A B means I need some work. Yet my learning is never going to be complete, no matter how great I feel about myself. 

The biggest thing I realized within the last few weeks is that no one is going to be grading me in "real life." I know I probably should have recognized that awhile ago, but any of you who know me know how perfectionist I can be, and that sometimes clouds the rest of what's happening. Anyway, when I give a sermon or teach a class or do pastoral care, no one is going to give me a grade. And even more important, those who are judging or deciding whether I'm doing a good job or not are not going to be as kind as my professors who genuinely want me to succeed. I need to get past this obsession with grades and look forward to the future, and what really matters. 


Wes: First off, ditto to all of Jess' comments. She didn't leave me with much to say, so I'll just make up a bunch of stuff. 


But seriously.


I have always been an A student. I remember when I was younger and my parents would reward my good grades on my report card. I would get a dollar for every point I improved from last grading period, and five dollars for every perfect grade. Then, at some point, they just... stopped paying me. I guess I was costing them too much money, or they thought I had grown out of the need for handouts. Either way, I still felt this need to make all A's. 


That didn't necessarily mean that I tried my hardest, though. Truth be told, I spent most of junior high and high school sleeping my way through class and earning high A's the whole time. My mom--the English teacher--and my aunt--also an English teacher--would get upset with me at times. They said that if I would just try a little harder, I could have been making 100's in all my classes and could be valedictorian. I figured, though, that as long as I was making A's, it was good enough. This mindset got me through high school, and I ended up fourth in my class. Do I ever regret not putting forth the effort to be better? Not really. I had fun in high school and did not let grades hold the highest priority in my life. 


Then I got into college. I'm one of those idiots who took Biblical Greek my very first semester. Because of some outside events that were out of my control and because I honestly just did not put forth the effort to learn as much as I should, I ended the first semester with a B. That would be the first of three, and the other two would come up the very next semester. After that, I decided that I would make sure that everything else--especially the classes within my major--was a close to perfect as I could do. I worked hard on my papers and projects, trying to prove mainly to myself that I had it in me to be the absolute best. I ended up graduating Summa Cum Laude, and do not at all regret the work I put into those classes. 


Seminary, though, is a completely different ballgame. I have worked my keister off (yeah, I just used that word) and have earned a handful of A's as well as a handful of B's. It seems like the classes I've worked the hardest in are the ones in which I've received the lowest grades! I don't think that's fair, but that is life. 


I really struggle with my grades. I've come home after receiving back papers and been completely depressed because I did not get the grade I thought I deserved. A grade of a "C" is not and never has been "average" for me. An "A" is average. Nothing else is allowed. Obviously, this is something that I need to work on...


But here is my problem with the whole grades thing right now. I feel like there is not much grace in this institution that is supposed to be preparing me to share God's grace with the world. I have now been told by a preceptor and a professor that if my paper is not publishable as is, it is not "A" quality work. Now, I can understand high standards at a place like Princeton (or really in any Master's program), but this seems a little unreasonable to me. Especially when, once again, this is a church institution, I would think that a little grace would shine through. Now all of the profs act this way, though, which is nice, but enough do that it is still a struggle for me. It takes away some of the fun in the learning for me, when I'm constantly struggling to make sure I am meeting what seem to be unreachable standards. I have taken a few classes pass-fail, which is great, but since I want to be able to pursue a doctorate at sometime in the future, I cannot take too many of these because it doesn't look so swell on applications. 


I just feel like there should be a better way to do this. 


What are your thoughts, oh web of the cyber? Do/did you struggle with grades? What are your thoughts of the expectations of individuals and institutions today?


You stay classy, World Wide Web!


-wes and jess

Lent!

Jess: Lent is right around the corner (five days away to be exact), and Wes and I have come up with a pretty interesting Lenten discipline this year. St. Mark is going to be reading through a book called Simplify Your Life, so we’re kind of playing off of that theme. I also started formulating the idea when we were talking about the Commandments in Confirmation. Wes and I are going to intentionally have a Sabbath every Saturday during Lent.

One of the things we talked about during Confirmation was that the Sabbath was instituted for the good of all. No one was allowed to do work on the Sabbath, from the most king down to the animals. The point was not that some people got a day off to rest and regenerate, but that everyone in the Israelite community did. For this reason, the Sabbath requires quite a bit of intentionality. If no one is allowed to cook on the Sabbath, then everyone must think ahead and get food taken care of the previous day. If you can’t travel, then all of your errands need to be done the day before.

Wes and I spent a little while hashing out the details of what a Sabbath would look like for us. As you may remember, we both expressed the desire to spend some more time together—not just being in the same room, but focusing on one another and building our relationship. This is part of what led into the Sabbath idea. For that reason, we quickly established that sitting around watching movies/TV is not the Sabbath we’re looking for. Sure, watching some TV might factor into a restful day, but not comprise the whole thing.

We are going to be closing our computers and turning off our phones on the Sabbath, as well. Especially with school, we spend a lot of time on our computers, and these dang iPhones are just plain distracting. If our goal is to focus more on one another and our relationship, and be peaceful, that doesn’t mesh with the little “ding” noises every time we get a text.

Finally, we were both a little concerned about getting our homework done. We’re aware of the benefits of taking a break from studying. Yet taking an entire day off from reading and doing homework just won’t be conducive to succeeding this semester. Again, part of a Sabbath is being intentional. But if we’re too busy stressing out about what we still have left to do, there’s no way we’ll be relaxed. So we decided that homework can be done until 2 p.m. on Saturdays. After that, we’ll go take a walk, cook dinner together, etc.

I’m pretty excited to see where this goes and what it teaches us about rest. If God took the time for it, we probably should, too.  

Wes: I had a weird thing happen to me at my churches. As many of you know, we've been working through The Story, which goes through the biblical narrative (NIV) in 31 chapters. We've been doing a chapter a week for the most part (with the exception of those few times that I crammed two together for the sake of finishing on time for Lent), and it's been a wonderful thing for both me and the church. I feel like I've grown in my competence of Scripture, and for many people in my church, they are moving into a biblically literate life because of it. 

So a few weeks' ago, we as a church witnessed and celebrated the death and resurrection of Christ. Before Lent. We will finish up The Story next week (yeah, I didn't calculate it out perfectly... Oh well...) and then immediately move into Lent as we prepare again for Holy Week and all that it holds.

Do you get what means? My season of Lent this year is bookended by the resurrection of Jesus.

Weird, right?

One of my friends on Facebook made a comment that I was celebrating Easter a little early. I felt like I was! But in a way, I'm very glad for this, because it has reminded me of a very important aspect of my faith: I celebrate the resurrection of Christ every Sunday. Each Sunday can, should, and must be an Easter celebration!

Too much of the time, though, this is far, far from the case. I find myself bogged down in the Law of religion that I often forget the Grace of God that is present there as well! (That was a shout out to all of my Lutheran friends, b-t-dubs). This Lent, as Jess and I engage in intentional Sabbath time, as we remember that from dust we have come and to dust we shall return, as we reflect on the testing, the trials, the temptation, and the passion of Christ, I am going to work hard to put it all in context. I going to strive to live into the call of all of the disciples to be an Easter people. 

And I'm going to remember what it is all about. 

I'll also probably end up going to church a lot more since Jess is working with a bunch of Lutherans who worship together on Wednesday nights. That'll be fun. 

So what are your plans for Lent? We'd love to hear them! Maybe we can all be praying for each other as we covenant together in our Lenten disciplines this year. 

You stay classy, World Wide Web!

-jess and wes

Celebrating Life: A Prayerful Conversation on Abortion

Jess: Well, this post may just be the one that finally makes us lose half of the few followers that we have. Wes and I debated writing about the Susan G. Komen/Planned Parenthood controversy and decided that this is too important to not write about, especially from our theological perspective. If you don't know what I'm talking about, here's a link. Susan G. Komen has since changed their minds, but the issues still stand.

Here's my take on it, first from the Christian perspective:

God tells us "Do not murder." Yes, we all know this is true, and some people even know that this is the fifth commandment. This seems to be the thing people bring up most frequently when defending their pro-life stance. God tells us not to kill, so we can't kill--and then we have to define what counts as a living being. I totally agree with this stance. We are called to refrain from killing. Ignoring the fact that God also commands God's people to kill those who disobey certain laws, we still run into a problem: whose life is most important? 

I'll be completely honest with you. I haven't worked out my own stance on abortion yet. I know a few things: 
1. I could never bring myself to get an abortion. 
2. I could never judge someone else for choosing to do so.
3. I do not believe that abortion should be used as a form of birth control.
4. I think there are situations in which abortion may be necessary. 

This last one is the one I think a lot of people kind of ignore when they're choosing sides in the abortion debate, and relates to the question above. Whose life is more important? If doctors know that the woman bearing this child WILL die for whatever reason, does that mean that she must forfeit her life for the sake of the unborn baby? If a woman has been raped, became pregnant as a result, and cannot afford to care for this child, does that mean she should sacrifice herself for something she had no control over? Yes, there is always the choice of adoption, but I think most people can recognize the attachment that women develop to their babies as they carry them for nine months. The point I'm making is that, like most issues, there is a gray area.

Luther has an answer to this that probably just makes the gray areas grayer, but I like it so I'm going to bring it up. In his explanation of the 5th commandment in the Small Cathecism, he says, "We are to fear and love God, so that we neither endanger or harm the lives of our neighbors, but instead help and support them in all of life's needs." There is more than "don't kill anyone" to this command. We are also called to "help and support" our neighbors in their lives. This includes when they find themselves in situations where they have to make big decisions, including those about abortion. 

Mark Hall, the lead singer/songwriter of Casting Crowns, a Christian band, also addresses this issue. Their song "Does Anybody Hear Her?" developed from Hall seeing a young woman coming out of an abortion clinic, probably hurting physically and emotionally, who was basically attacked by pro-life protestors. He points out that, as Christians, we cannot with fairness step in that late in the game. We have already failed that young woman. We cannot tell her that having an abortion was wrong when we weren't there for her before she hit the downward spiral when "In walks her Prince Charming and he knows just what to say/Momentary lapse of reason and she gives herself away." Where were we when she needed an education about sex? Where were we when she was making tough decisions? Where are we now when she needs to hear, "God loves you."? 

The point is that, as Christians, we should stand up for what we believe. If that's taking a pro-life stance, okay. If that's taking a pro-choice stance, okay. But we should form these opinions based on Scripture, not what someone else tells us. And we should not be forcing our Christian lives on the secular world. That's no way to lead people to faith. We should be loving God and neighbor. Only when we have done this--which, by the way, we never can, because we are broken--can we say, "What you did was wrong, and this is why." Jesus told us to love God and love our neighbor as ourselves--and that's the best way to spread the Gospel news. Jesus healed people, cared for them, and saved them. Yes, he also challenged them, debated with them, and downright fought with them. But all this came out of his love for God and people. If only we could learn to do the same.


Wes: I grew up hearing from seemingly everyone around me that abortion is a sin and that anyone who gets an abortion is going to hell. Now, there is a very, very good chance that many of the people whom I heard say this never actually took such a stance, but this is what my developmental mind heard and registered as a Christian truth. I thought for the majority of my life that this was as black and white an issue as which of my hands was left and which was right. 


My senior year of high school, I can remember driving home with a few friends of mine after a rousing trip to Walmart, where everyone in Burnet went for fun. We were talking, as many headstrong seniors do, about all of the problems in the world that we would soon solve once we were out of high school. We went through issues of war, of human trafficking, of poverty, etc... until we finally found ourselves on the issue of abortion. I remember making a sweeping comment about how one simple law could solve that problem and families could just step up raise their kids like God intended. My friends looked at me, and one of them, Eli, said, "Wes, I don't think it's that simple."


And it's not, is it? I mean, we can all agree that human trafficking is wrong. People starving to death is wrong. Needless killing is wrong. But abortion seems a little bit more complicated than that. 


But then again, sometimes it is absolutely that simple. The result of copulation is supposed to be reproduction. We have a sex drive so that we can maintain population growth. It's one of the few instincts that humans for sure have. Therefore, if you engage in sexual activities, you have to be ready for the consequences. 


It's like in Genesis 3 when God speaks to Adam and Eve after they have eaten of the fruit of the forbidden tree. God doesn't set out punishments for them. Instead, he shares with them the consequences of their actions. They chose a path contrary to God's command, and their lives changed because of it. Life will not be a walk in the Garden of Eden from now on, so women will have to give birth to more children to combat infant mortalities. The earth will not willingly bear food anymore, so men will have to toil at the soil unceasingly to produce enough to live off of. In the same way, because two people chose to have sex, they now have to deal with the consequences that sex can/does lead to babies. 


Abortion as birth control--be it for the teenager who took messing around too far or a cheating spouse trying to cover his/her indiscretions or the couple who just isn't ready yet for a/another kid--is completely unacceptable. It's wrong. It's black and white. 


But the complexity comes into play when abortion isn't just used for birth control. As Jess mentioned above, what happens if something is wrong with the mother or the baby and going through with the pregnancy and birth could/would lead to the death of the mother or the baby or both of them? Can we place the value of one life over or under the value of another life? Is the potential life of the one to be born qualitatively greater than the one already living? I feel like Spiderman, having to choose between saving Mary Jane or the cable car full of helpless passengers. 


Or what happens in the case of a pregnancy that is the result of rape? Can we expect someone to bear the emotional and physical pain of carrying with her for nine months the constant reminder of a horrible event? Can we expect that person to pay the physical, emotional, and monetary toll that comes with childbirth, even if she ends up giving the baby up for adoption? Honestly, until our government or some other organization is willing to pick up the entirety of the costs for the routine check-ups, delivery, and post-check-ups as well as pay for counseling for the victim, I cannot bring myself to say that anyone in this situation should have to bear this burden. 


The last point that I want to make is extremely important. And here it is: I'm a man. Thanks to God and the lack of breakthroughs in modern science, I will never have to have the experience of bearing within me another living soul or of giving birth to him/her. Whereas I absolutely can have a learned and weighed opinion on this matter, and whereas my voice absolutely should be heard in all of this, the final decision for this should not be solely on my shoulders, or the shoulders of one man or group of men. We participate in the miracle of conception, but the miracle of gestation and birth has been given solely to our better halves. I think that when we engage in conversations about abortion, we should keep this in mind. 


The Susan G. Komen Foundation made a decision a few weeks ago to stop their funding of Planned Parenthood because a small portion of their resources (about 3%) are budgeted toward aiding in abortions. The Foundation made this decision because they were trying (as far as I can tell through the reading I've done) to uphold a moral stance against abortions. Truthfully, I have no problem with an organization making a decision like this. Yes, there are some negative consequences, and yes, Planned Parenthood does so much more than help young women who are seeking an abortion. But I can absolutely understand an individual or group who takes the steps necessary to stick to their morals and beliefs, even if I do not agree with them. A man that I truly admire recently left the United Methodist Church because he found out that the UMC supports Planned Parenthood. He decided that he couldn't financially support a church that in some way supports abortion. As is the case with the Foundation, I cannot hold it against him for staying true to his heart. 


For this post, I decided to check out exactly what the UMC says about abortion. It was a comforting thing for me, and it solidified again for me that I am United Methodist: "Our belief in the sanctity of unborn human life makes us reluctant to approve abortion. But we are equally bound to respect the sacredness of the life and well-being of the mother, for whom devastating damage may result from an unacceptable pregnancy. In continuity with past Christian teaching, we recognize tragic conflicts of life with life that may justify abortion, and in such cases we support the legal option of abortion under proper medical procedures. We cannot affirm abortion as an acceptable means of birth control, and we unconditionally reject it as a means of gender selection." (http://www.umc.org/site/c.lwL4KnN1LtH/b.2239163/k.A82E/Abortion_Overview.htm)


I am pro-life. I wholeheartedly agree that each living soul is sacred and should be viewed as such. But I also believe that too much of the time in this broken world there is a lot more gray than there is black and white. I pray that God will guide us through such areas, and that always and above all, God's love would shine through. 


You stay classy, World Wide Web.


-Jess and Wes