Tuesday, January 29, 2013

The Metheran Child

Disclaimer from Wes!--Jess wrote her part of the blog like... three weeks ago. I, on the other hand, was too busy spending time with James, whom I obviously love more. So, three weeks later, I am now ready to write my part. She loves James more at this particular moment...

Jess: How are we going to raise James as a good Metheran? Many people have asked us this or similar questions. Well, let's start with two weeks from now. We're going to get up on Sunday morning (in Texas) and go to Wes' home church, University United Methodist in San Antonio. And then I'm going to let the Methodists baptize my son. And you know what? That doesn't mean he'll be any less Lutheran--or any more Methodist. One of the greatest things about the relationship between our two denominations is that we fully recognize the sacraments of the other church. Once we're ordained, Wes and I are even allowed to perform the sacraments at the other church. There are very few things that make us different, and baptism isn't one of them. In fact, the words of the sacrament are almost identical in each hymnal. 

When we were talking about James' baptism, we talked a lot about how we were going to raise him and be equally fair to our churches. This is a relatively simple problem in some ways--definitely not like my stepsister and stepbrother-in-law, who are trying to raise their daughter as a "Jewtheran." The first challenge for us, especially while James is a baby and doesn't really know what's going on in church, was when, where and in what denomination to have him baptized. We had a long discussion over many weeks--maybe months--about this issue. The biggest question was where, but not in relation to the church so much as the state! 

My family lives across the northern part of the country: us in NJ, Mom in Ohio, Dad in Michigan, and Josiah in Illinois. If we had the baptism here, some of them might have made it, depending on the timing. Then we would have had to determine which church. Wes can do a baptism, but we discussed that and decided that this is a situation in which we should just be the parents. That's a big enough responsibility, without being the one to perform the baptism. So would we do the baptism in one of Wes' churches with another pastor? Which one of the churches? Would we have one of my field ed supervisors do the baptism? Which one? On what Sunday? Should we ask my dad to do it? Where would we do it? Michigan? Here? No matter what, someone was going to be left out, and that didn't seem right. We settled on Texas, and that immediately meant doing the baptism at Wes' home church, since I don't have a church home down there. In fact, I spent more time in Methodist churches than Lutheran ones when I lived there--although we DID go to a Lutheran school.

So there we were, considering using University as the place for James' baptism. We finally decided this was the best choice when we talked about our theology of baptism. First, we both believe that there is nothing we as the parents, James as the child, or the pastor actually DO in the course of baptism. Everything that is done has already been done through God in Christ. So in that way, it really doesn't matter who does the baptism, except for our personal reasons. But what does matter is where the baptism is done and who is present. Both of our liturgies and theologies speak of the community that will raise the child in the church. Since we'll be living in Texas for the foreseeable future, this means that the community that will help raise James is our friends and family down there. This is not to say that my family and our friends up here will not, but they will not be in immediate contact with him all the time. So it was decided for us, in a way. We had to have the baptism where the majority of these people could come and make the promises to help raise James in the church. Plus, our friends Ryan and Kelli are going to be his godparents, and they live in Texas. 

It seems like a lot of discussion and time spent trying to figure out where to do something as "simple" as a baptism, but I think this is how many of our decisions in James' religious life will go--at least until he is old enough to make some of these decisions for himself. Who knows? Maybe he'll be confirmed in an Episcopal church and married in a Presbyterian one. That's fine with us!


Wes: Wow, Jess sure is good at explaining things. I think she covered the baptism pretty well, so I'll try to move on to other aspects of how exactly we are planning on raising James (and any/all siblings that may/may not arrive in the future) in a way that both blesses God and is true to both of our denominations. 

But first, let me say: the baptism was amazing. James did not cry or fuss or anything. He was a tiny little baby angel in Pastor Laurinda's arms, and we joyfully celebrated the opportunity to invite him officially into the family of God. 

But what happens after the baptism? How are we going to decide which church to raise him in, which nursery to send him to, where he will do confirmation, and which youth group he will attend? Well, we have a pretty complex, algorithmic equation to ensure that everything is as balanced as possible.

Would you like to know what it is? Ok I'll tell you: We decide based entirely on convenience and then he/they decide based on what he/they prefer. 

Boom. There it is. 

The Methodist Church and Lutheran Church are so close enough in doctrine and even in practice that we have no problems or worries whatsoever on which church our children attend for each milestone in their faith lives. Honestly, we're more focused on making sure that they want to go to church at all, and much less worried about which one that is. As long as the church confesses Jesus Christ as Lord and welcomes all to God's table, we are more than open to them attending wherever it makes the most sense at the time for them to attend and then worshipping wherever they want to worship when they grow old enough to decide for themselves. 

And, of course, they'll always choose Methodist, because we're awesome. 

Right now, James is going to church almost without exception with Jessica, but this is much more because she is able to watch him than it is about a theological decision. I have to lead worship and preach, and she is able to sit in the pew with him. I'm sure that if we find ourselves ever in a situation where one of our churches has a nursery and one doesn't, that will just about seal the deal for us on where he goes. We're also very willing to switch him back and forth for a while if the opportunity presents itself. 

So that's the plan. That's how our little Metheran family will function for the time being. 

Until we all become Methodist... 

;)

For now, though, you stay classy, World Wide Web!

Jess and Wes