This summer has been quite a trip--for some of us. The rest of us have been working quite a lot. CPE has been going a lot better than I expected, because I honestly thought I would just be "getting through" the summer. Instead, I've made friends with some pretty cool people, I've met a lot of wonderful patients who have truly enjoyed our time together, and I have learned a lot about pastoral care in a specific as well as general sense. Sure, there have been days when my alarm goes off and I groan about having to do another day, but, all-in-all, this has been a good learning time.
I think I owe most of my semi-excitement about CPE to my supervisor, Ted. He has really made this a program where we learn based on what we want to learn. My goals have been to learn how to be empathetic without being overly emotional, to focus less on agendas/to-do lists and more on the here and now, and finally to develop my prayer life a little better. I think I have progressed well on every one of these goals, and I have actually developed some of my learning goals for field ed this year based on what I have been doing this summer. I think this might even be the point of CPE, so boo-yah.
Most of what I've learned this summer has been about myself, which I hear is one of the big goals of CPE. Sure, the patients are important, but I think the general assumption is that, if your respective seminary/denominational groups have put you through the process thus far, then you won't be too damaging in your interactions with them. Rather, the point of CPE is to learn about yourself--what are your strengths and weaknesses for pastoral care? Where could you do better, and in what ways are you pretty ready for ministry?
Ted's biggest comment in my most recent meeting was how I like to find the "right" thing to do in any situation. This probably developed from my past: as a pastor's child, I knew that I "should" act in a certain way. When I went to school, there were things I "should" do to get good grades and progress successfully. When I worked at Starbucks, there were certain steps I "should" follow to make sure each drink came out perfectly and each shift went well. There haven't been a whole lot of gray areas in my life, but ministry is a whole different animal. Ted said that he likes to say there are many things I "could" do. Some of them might be more or less appropriate in any given situation. Any one of the options might work and be seen as the "right" way, but that doesn't mean that the others were "wrong."
I think this is something that I can definitely learn. I am going to try to incorporate it into my learning goals for field ed this coming year, although I'm not exactly sure how. Something that will definitely help in my development in this area is being a mother. I'm well aware, from many years of babysitting, that there are many "coulds" and very few "shoulds" in parenting, especially in the child's early years. I should change my child's diaper, feed and clothe him, and make sure he sleeps as much as possible. But what could I do? I could breastfeed or use formula, or even do some mixture of both. I could use cloth diapers or regular. I could have enough outfits for months at a time or just enough to get through a week while doing laundry every few days. I could potty train early or late. I could have a crib or a bassinet. I could sleep in the baby's room or have the baby sleep in our room. And those are just the decisions we're making right now, not to mention the day-to-day and month-by-month and year-by-year decisions we'll be making for the rest of our child's life.
I know that babysitting has taught me a lot about the options, and I know that parenting will help me determine what I could do and what works for us as a family. But how will I translate this to ministry? Will it come naturally, or will I still want concrete answers there? I don't expect to have concrete answers about theology or the Bible, yet I want to know the "right" thing to do in every situation. This is going to be an interesting path for a type-A person like me, with my color-coded calendars, to-do lists, and black and white view of answers, but it's going to be a fun one! At least I have Wes to keep me sane. :)
Wes: Well, while Jess has been going crazy at CPE, I've been thoroughly enjoying my summer. I cannot remember the last time I had a summer where the only thing I had going on was a part-time job. It's a beautiful experience, and one I don't think I'll ever have again. So, I've been milking it for all it's worth.
My little sister, Katherine, came to visit for almost the entire month of July! She came in on the 4th--way better than fireworks--and she left on the 31st. We had a great time with her here, and I already miss her a ton. To give you a taste of what it's like to visit with us for a month, here are some highlight's of Katherine's visit:
- We started, beat, and reached 100% completion on Lego Harry Potter Years 1-4.
- We went to the beach a handful of times to enjoy the sand and the surf.
- We watched movies whenever we wanted to.
- We toured all of local ice cream shops to determine which one was the best.
- We worked off all of the ice cream we ate by utilizing our membership at the Mercer County Community College pool.
- She slept in until noon most days... the jerk. Except Sundays. We made her go to church every week!
- We spent hours and hours coming up with new and improved ways to bug Jessica when she got off work.
- We went to Six Flags Great Adventure just to contract heat stroke while in line for the Superman ride.
But seriously, it was wonderful having her here. I feel like I've missed out on so much of her life while we've been up here in New Jersey, and even though we spend time together when Jess and I go down there, and even though Kat's come up here a couple times before, it was nice to have a good chunk of time to spend intentional time with her and get to know the wonderful young lady she is becoming.
I just wish she'd stop growing. She's almost taller than me!
Now that she's gone, though, I am transitioning my free time from hanging with her to working on my candidacy paperwork. I have a hefty list of things to do before my interviews in January, and I am trying to stay on top of it so that I give this the ample time and prayer that it deserves. Many of the questions involve a great deal of introspection, and so far I have thoroughly enjoyed the opportunity to spend time in prayerful conversation with God about where I've come from, where I am in life now, and where God is calling me to go in the future. I know that the completion of this process will mark the turning of a page and a change of chapter in the book of my life, and I am excited about what the next part of the story is going to hold.
As I continue working through the questions of the written examination and preparing the rest of the paperwork for the Board of Ordained Ministry, I'll keep all of you updated on the process, share with you my highs and lows of writing it, and probably throw in whatever other random thoughts pop up as I'm going through it.
Well, that's enough for us. Expect another post much sooner next time... Like next week. Things are abrewin' in this head o' mine, and after they mature, they will be poured out into the interweb for everyone's consumption and enjoyment.
Until then, you stay classy, World Wide Web!
-jess and wes
