Grading and the Downfall of the American Seminarian

Jess: Wes and I both have a problem. We like to get good grades. We like it so much that sometimes we forget that we're in school to learn, not to get A's. And sometimes, getting an A doesn't mean we've learned, and getting a B or C doesn't mean we haven't. On the first day of Confessions, Dr. Wengert informed us of the scale he and a fellow professor had devised years ago, which boils down to B- students making the best pastors. I'm not sure I buy into that, but his point was clear: perfection is not the answer. 

So when I got my first paper back from his class and got a B-, I was torn. When I was in middle/high school, I was expected to get A's. In Hudson, Ohio, this was a pretty formidable task. Yet I tried, and failed to get straight A's. Eventually, both my parents and I realized that that was an unrealistic expectation, and I worked on trying my best. This resulted in a pretty healthy attitude about grades, but not any sort of delusion that not trying would get me far in life. 

In college, I got one B. In four years. So my perfectionist streak came back, despite the years of fighting against it throughout high school. Why shouldn't I get A's if I was clearly capable of making straight A's? Why would I accept anything less from myself? Why would I allow myself to "fail"? This came back to bite me in the butt when I got a B+ on a final paper during my first semester senior year. I spent quite awhile agonizing over it, got mad at my favorite professor about it, beat myself up about it for days, and then finally realized that 1) I was still getting an A in the class and 2) A B+ is not failure. It means there's room for improvement. And isn't there always?

Now here I am in my first year of seminary, and you would think that I had held onto that lesson from my senior year of college. Yet, somehow, I've latched back onto the idea that A's make me a better person or something. That anything less than perfection is unacceptable. Finally, though, after that first B-(on just one small, fairly insignificant, first paper of the semester, mind you), I've realized my own silliness. I might still attach some weight to grades. Pretending that grades don't mean anything is just as bad as thinking that they mean everything. An A, B, C, D, or F does not determine my personal worth. Yet each one says something about the effort I put into a task, the work I've already accomplished, and how far I have to go. An A means I've come close to mastering a particular subject. A B means I need some work. Yet my learning is never going to be complete, no matter how great I feel about myself. 

The biggest thing I realized within the last few weeks is that no one is going to be grading me in "real life." I know I probably should have recognized that awhile ago, but any of you who know me know how perfectionist I can be, and that sometimes clouds the rest of what's happening. Anyway, when I give a sermon or teach a class or do pastoral care, no one is going to give me a grade. And even more important, those who are judging or deciding whether I'm doing a good job or not are not going to be as kind as my professors who genuinely want me to succeed. I need to get past this obsession with grades and look forward to the future, and what really matters. 


Wes: First off, ditto to all of Jess' comments. She didn't leave me with much to say, so I'll just make up a bunch of stuff. 


But seriously.


I have always been an A student. I remember when I was younger and my parents would reward my good grades on my report card. I would get a dollar for every point I improved from last grading period, and five dollars for every perfect grade. Then, at some point, they just... stopped paying me. I guess I was costing them too much money, or they thought I had grown out of the need for handouts. Either way, I still felt this need to make all A's. 


That didn't necessarily mean that I tried my hardest, though. Truth be told, I spent most of junior high and high school sleeping my way through class and earning high A's the whole time. My mom--the English teacher--and my aunt--also an English teacher--would get upset with me at times. They said that if I would just try a little harder, I could have been making 100's in all my classes and could be valedictorian. I figured, though, that as long as I was making A's, it was good enough. This mindset got me through high school, and I ended up fourth in my class. Do I ever regret not putting forth the effort to be better? Not really. I had fun in high school and did not let grades hold the highest priority in my life. 


Then I got into college. I'm one of those idiots who took Biblical Greek my very first semester. Because of some outside events that were out of my control and because I honestly just did not put forth the effort to learn as much as I should, I ended the first semester with a B. That would be the first of three, and the other two would come up the very next semester. After that, I decided that I would make sure that everything else--especially the classes within my major--was a close to perfect as I could do. I worked hard on my papers and projects, trying to prove mainly to myself that I had it in me to be the absolute best. I ended up graduating Summa Cum Laude, and do not at all regret the work I put into those classes. 


Seminary, though, is a completely different ballgame. I have worked my keister off (yeah, I just used that word) and have earned a handful of A's as well as a handful of B's. It seems like the classes I've worked the hardest in are the ones in which I've received the lowest grades! I don't think that's fair, but that is life. 


I really struggle with my grades. I've come home after receiving back papers and been completely depressed because I did not get the grade I thought I deserved. A grade of a "C" is not and never has been "average" for me. An "A" is average. Nothing else is allowed. Obviously, this is something that I need to work on...


But here is my problem with the whole grades thing right now. I feel like there is not much grace in this institution that is supposed to be preparing me to share God's grace with the world. I have now been told by a preceptor and a professor that if my paper is not publishable as is, it is not "A" quality work. Now, I can understand high standards at a place like Princeton (or really in any Master's program), but this seems a little unreasonable to me. Especially when, once again, this is a church institution, I would think that a little grace would shine through. Now all of the profs act this way, though, which is nice, but enough do that it is still a struggle for me. It takes away some of the fun in the learning for me, when I'm constantly struggling to make sure I am meeting what seem to be unreachable standards. I have taken a few classes pass-fail, which is great, but since I want to be able to pursue a doctorate at sometime in the future, I cannot take too many of these because it doesn't look so swell on applications. 


I just feel like there should be a better way to do this. 


What are your thoughts, oh web of the cyber? Do/did you struggle with grades? What are your thoughts of the expectations of individuals and institutions today?


You stay classy, World Wide Web!


-wes and jess