Losing to Win

Jess: For most of our marriage, Wes and I have both wanted to lose weight. We have both had highs and lows through challenging ourselves to get healthier. I personally found that I was the healthiest during my pregnancy. Why is it that it’s always easier to do something for someone else than for yourself?

As I look back over the arc of my relationship with Wes, I realize that we have gradually become healthier as individuals and as a couple. When we got married, we simply didn’t have much money. This was a blessing and a curse. We didn’t have a lot of spare cash for things like chips or ice cream or going out, but we also didn’t have money to buy a lot of fresh fruits and vegetables. Lacking money and moving to New Jersey in the dead of winter meant we spent a lot of our free time watching TV.

When we moved to our house, we got into a routine of taking walks around the neighborhood, and even did some small trips to go hiking for an afternoon. We still watched a lot of TV, but we started earning enough money to buy decent food, yet managed to keep junk food out of the house for the most part. For the first 9-ish months of living in our house, we shared a car, so Wes walked/biked to work a lot, and I went to school with him and would walk around Princeton while he was in class.

Now that we’re back in Texas, we can walk almost any day that it’s not raining. James loves being outside and asks to do so every day. We can go to the park/playground, and we love to move as a family. James has gotten to the point of wanting to eat whatever we eat, so we’re very careful about what we choose to put on our plates and in our cups. We don’t want him to grow up challenged by a sweet tooth or overwhelming love of French fries, and that’s changing our habits, too.

Through all this, I realize that the things that have worked the best are those that we have done together. We have made an agreement to not keep many sweets (for my sake) or chips (for Wes’) around the house. We go out occasionally and try to share, paying attention to what we’re eating. We like to take walks together and do our best to walk to various places in Kyle, or at least park the car far away when we go to shop.

The greatest change for both of us has been getting pedometers and enrolling in a six-month Diet Bet. We’ve committed to trying to lose 10% of our weight over 6 months, with each month holding its own percentage goal. Wes’ health care program gives us money for completing certain step goals each quarter. It’s been a great way to get us up and moving.

When we switched to Fitbit trackers, we also got the phone app that helps us track our food, water, calories burned, etc. Just in the couple weeks we’ve had them, I can see a remarkable change in our eating and activity. I feel more compelled to track my food because I know Wes and I will talk about it. We have a bit of healthy competition, but we mostly compete against ourselves and cheer each other on. I’m so proud of what Wes has been doing—he won our Diet Bet this last month, even after I had given up on any chance of doing so. I think getting healthy is one of the best things we have done as a couple, and the effects are clear in James, as well!

Wes: So here’s the deal with me and food: I love to eat. I blame my parents, because of course nothing is my fault. I’ve never had too bad of a sweet tooth—I like the occasional ice cream, sure—but what really gets me is savory shtuff. I love chips and salsa. Even better is chips and queso. I love chicken wings. And ribs. And chicken-fried steak. If it tastes oh so good, you know I’m going to want a bite or twelve… hundred.

Growing up, my family was mostly a meat-and-potatoes and comfort food family. Our veggies were, for the most part, from cans, and we ate out a lot. I’ve talked with my parents about it many times, and every time we talked, I realized that it was really the easiest and fastest way to put out food for a family of seven (plus the constant stream of friends, family, and strangers who found their way to our kitchen). I don’t hold it against them at all; I still eat that way when I have the choice! But it meant that I had a pretty steep learning curve to conquer if I was going to be able to start eating healthier and losing weight.

That and my dad’s cooking is really, really good.

Going into college, I noticed that when I had the freedom to eat whatever and cook whatever, I actually chose to eat a little healthier. I liked the taste of fresh and frozen veggies better than their canned counterparts. I liked the taste of marinated and grilled meats much better than fried. I would rather eat brown rice than white—as long as it was in casserole form (which, as Jess will and does complain about, is my favorite way to cook).

But I still ate. A lot. And I was never able to get into a regular fitness program to which I actually looked forward every day. Well, marrying Jess changed my diet even more—for the much, much better—as she’s already mentioned. But I still couldn’t find a way to encourage myself to get out and get healthy.

I hadn’t always been so sedimentary—when I was younger, I was extremely active in sports and loved above everything else to swim. So I decided to try that back out. We got a membership at a local pool in NJ and I started swimming regularly. But then I made the grave mistake of deciding that since I was burning so much, I could eat so much more.

It’s taken me all of my adolescent and adult life (which I admit is still not too long), but I think I’ve finally found the happy medium between working out on a regular basis (swimming and power walking mostly) and eating well. For the first time in a very long time, I’m not squeezing into my clothes, worrying about when my XXL’s would turn into XXXL’s. I’m not watching my waist size climb and climb, knowing that soon I’d have to buy more clothes, to find a bigger belt.

I’m actually losing, and feeling great about myself for the first time in a very long time. I’m just about ready to transition down to a single X, something that I haven’t felt comfortable in since Junior High, and I have already gone down two pant sizes as of today. I am actually having to engage in the fun task of buying a smaller belt, because I’m tired of punching my own holes in my current one.

I’ve still got a very long way to go until I’m where I want to be. I still want to some day pursue reserve chaplaincy in the Air Force once I’m ordained, and I cannot do that until I lose even more serious poundage.

But I’m on the right track, and it’s a great feeling.

Thank you to all of those who have been an encouragement and support to us in this process. Y’all stay classy.

-j&w