The Circle of Life

Jess: Wes and I have been talking about the future (that's a scary thought) and children recently. I've wanted to adopt kids for a long time, but I wouldn't mind having a child or two of our own. Since this was so important to me, Wes has gladly agreed to adopt, and we are in the process of looking for an agency to help us through the adoption. We don't want to start having kids for at least another year and half (we figure it makes more sense for at least ONE of us to be done with school beforehand), but adoption is a pretty long process.

We've already found an agency we like. You can check them out for yourselves at Angel Adoption. We're not completely set on it and will definitely keep looking, since we won't be officially applying for at least another year. This agency seems great, though. They're very up-front about cost and how to afford adoption, they only accept as many families as they have birth mothers available, so the wait time is considerably shorter, and the application gives you access to all the help and advertising necessary for 2 years- something like 98% of their families receive a child within two years. We filled out the initial application and got tons of information from them. There is definitely a lot that goes into this process, but I think the reward will be more than worth the effort.

As many of you may know, I freaking love kids. That's why I babysat throughout middle school, high school, and college. It's why I wanted to be a swim instructor, and why I worked at Blue Streak (a horse camp for girls 7-14). Even when I worked at Starbucks, I always had at least a regular babysitting job to complement it, because I couldn't imagine life without kids. When I finally quit Starbucks, I did so to become a full-time nanny, so I could spend time with kids but not feel pressured to have my own just yet. Kids have been an important part of my life since I was old enough to get to hold babies. I have a soft spot in my heart for all kids, and I a big factor in my decision to adopt is that I want to give a loving home to a child who might otherwise not have that opportunity.

So here we are, having completed the absolutely preliminary steps of adoption. I'm reading a great book right now: Adoption: Your Step-by-Step Guide by Mardie Caldwell. It's been really helpful and informative, and I'll definitely be picking it back up next year to make sure I know what I'm doing. We would appreciate your prayers, support, advice, etc. throughout this process. It's going to be interesting to become first-time parents this way, because we have the normal stress of becoming parents coupled with the stress of adoption, but we really think this is the best option for our life and for our future children.

On a separate note, Wes and I have been limiting ourselves to two hours of TV per day. It's still a lot more TV than we probably should be watching, but we don't mindlessly turn on the TV anymore. I've read more this week than I have recently, but I've also been on my computer more. We definitely have to look into replacing our TV time with something better for us. Whenever it warms up, I fully intend on using the extra time to take nice long walks. For now, we can't find the sidewalks...

Wes: So I have to admit that it scares the crap out of me to think about me having a kid. Especially adopting a kid. That's a lot of work and responsibility! And I'm Wes Cain! I don't know if I could handle being a dad... But at the same time it is kind of excited to think about. Especially when you have a last name that lends itself so well to fun baby names, like Candy Cain, or Hurri Cain, or Sugar Cain, or Colton Cain (would would be Co for short), or Walkin Cain (after Christopher Walken of course)... You can see how much fun can be had. Jess did point out the only girl names that would work sound like stripper names, though. That's kind of a draw back for a family where both the parents are pastors.

But yeah. That's fun.

While Jess has been working on reading about adoption agencies and the process through which we'll be going (yes, mom, I can use proper grammar when I want to), I've been dealing with the other side of life. There were two four deaths in our community this last week. Two of them were directly connected to Crosswicks UMC, and I am doing one of the funerals for it. It's my first funeral, and I have to say that I am extremely nervous about it. Writing sermons for funerals is not at all like writing sermons for Sunday service. I am so used to using personal past experiences to share Gospel truths, but the focus of the sermon at a funeral is first on the Gospel and second on the person whose life we are celebrating. I can't open with a personal anecdote, especially when I did not have a chance to meet the deceased, as is the case for the funeral tomorrow. (She was a 94 year-old member of the church who had moved in with one of her kids in Pennsylvania a number of years before we moved here). I had to learn very quickly how to strike the balance between presenting the Gospel text, speaking about the deceased and the life she led, providing hope for the future, and allowing space for mourning. It's a lot harder than I thought.

I also realized that there is a lot of outside pressure when it comes to funerals. You have people expecting you to make it a time of celebration but also a time of mourning. And if you screw up, you don't have another chance next Sunday to get it right. These people need comfort in their sorrow, they need to know that there is peace and that though things may never be the same life does go on and good things do continue to happen. But this dead person, even if I have never met her, is beloved by many, and the expectations that this farewell service be perfect are great!

I will say, though, that I bet weddings are probably much more stressful when it comes to people's expectations. I've attended and been in enough weddings to know that very few are missing that person (or, even worse, persons) who has to everything a certain way and is always looking for something to go on about. (Jon Lys, you know what/who I'm talking about).

But I think that this preparation for the funeral has been full of moments of consolation. God has spoken to me in some amazing ways during this process, and I've really enjoyed planning the service. I also had a wonderful talk with my father-in-law about funeral sermons, one of the best conversations that he and I have had. I am very blessed that Jess' dad is an ELCA minister and that he is very open to helping me out with ministry questions. I'm also very blessed to have a friend and mentor like Matt Pennington who is always willing to read over my sermons and papers for seminary and is always challenging me to go deeper push farther.

So this is how Jess and I have experienced the circle of life in its fullest of late. The only thing more we could do is watch the Lion King or bring down an antelope with our bare hands and teeth.

Well, that's all for now! You stay classy, World Wide Web!

Love,

Jess and Wes