The Circle of Life

Jess: Wes and I have been talking about the future (that's a scary thought) and children recently. I've wanted to adopt kids for a long time, but I wouldn't mind having a child or two of our own. Since this was so important to me, Wes has gladly agreed to adopt, and we are in the process of looking for an agency to help us through the adoption. We don't want to start having kids for at least another year and half (we figure it makes more sense for at least ONE of us to be done with school beforehand), but adoption is a pretty long process.

We've already found an agency we like. You can check them out for yourselves at Angel Adoption. We're not completely set on it and will definitely keep looking, since we won't be officially applying for at least another year. This agency seems great, though. They're very up-front about cost and how to afford adoption, they only accept as many families as they have birth mothers available, so the wait time is considerably shorter, and the application gives you access to all the help and advertising necessary for 2 years- something like 98% of their families receive a child within two years. We filled out the initial application and got tons of information from them. There is definitely a lot that goes into this process, but I think the reward will be more than worth the effort.

As many of you may know, I freaking love kids. That's why I babysat throughout middle school, high school, and college. It's why I wanted to be a swim instructor, and why I worked at Blue Streak (a horse camp for girls 7-14). Even when I worked at Starbucks, I always had at least a regular babysitting job to complement it, because I couldn't imagine life without kids. When I finally quit Starbucks, I did so to become a full-time nanny, so I could spend time with kids but not feel pressured to have my own just yet. Kids have been an important part of my life since I was old enough to get to hold babies. I have a soft spot in my heart for all kids, and I a big factor in my decision to adopt is that I want to give a loving home to a child who might otherwise not have that opportunity.

So here we are, having completed the absolutely preliminary steps of adoption. I'm reading a great book right now: Adoption: Your Step-by-Step Guide by Mardie Caldwell. It's been really helpful and informative, and I'll definitely be picking it back up next year to make sure I know what I'm doing. We would appreciate your prayers, support, advice, etc. throughout this process. It's going to be interesting to become first-time parents this way, because we have the normal stress of becoming parents coupled with the stress of adoption, but we really think this is the best option for our life and for our future children.

On a separate note, Wes and I have been limiting ourselves to two hours of TV per day. It's still a lot more TV than we probably should be watching, but we don't mindlessly turn on the TV anymore. I've read more this week than I have recently, but I've also been on my computer more. We definitely have to look into replacing our TV time with something better for us. Whenever it warms up, I fully intend on using the extra time to take nice long walks. For now, we can't find the sidewalks...

Wes: So I have to admit that it scares the crap out of me to think about me having a kid. Especially adopting a kid. That's a lot of work and responsibility! And I'm Wes Cain! I don't know if I could handle being a dad... But at the same time it is kind of excited to think about. Especially when you have a last name that lends itself so well to fun baby names, like Candy Cain, or Hurri Cain, or Sugar Cain, or Colton Cain (would would be Co for short), or Walkin Cain (after Christopher Walken of course)... You can see how much fun can be had. Jess did point out the only girl names that would work sound like stripper names, though. That's kind of a draw back for a family where both the parents are pastors.

But yeah. That's fun.

While Jess has been working on reading about adoption agencies and the process through which we'll be going (yes, mom, I can use proper grammar when I want to), I've been dealing with the other side of life. There were two four deaths in our community this last week. Two of them were directly connected to Crosswicks UMC, and I am doing one of the funerals for it. It's my first funeral, and I have to say that I am extremely nervous about it. Writing sermons for funerals is not at all like writing sermons for Sunday service. I am so used to using personal past experiences to share Gospel truths, but the focus of the sermon at a funeral is first on the Gospel and second on the person whose life we are celebrating. I can't open with a personal anecdote, especially when I did not have a chance to meet the deceased, as is the case for the funeral tomorrow. (She was a 94 year-old member of the church who had moved in with one of her kids in Pennsylvania a number of years before we moved here). I had to learn very quickly how to strike the balance between presenting the Gospel text, speaking about the deceased and the life she led, providing hope for the future, and allowing space for mourning. It's a lot harder than I thought.

I also realized that there is a lot of outside pressure when it comes to funerals. You have people expecting you to make it a time of celebration but also a time of mourning. And if you screw up, you don't have another chance next Sunday to get it right. These people need comfort in their sorrow, they need to know that there is peace and that though things may never be the same life does go on and good things do continue to happen. But this dead person, even if I have never met her, is beloved by many, and the expectations that this farewell service be perfect are great!

I will say, though, that I bet weddings are probably much more stressful when it comes to people's expectations. I've attended and been in enough weddings to know that very few are missing that person (or, even worse, persons) who has to everything a certain way and is always looking for something to go on about. (Jon Lys, you know what/who I'm talking about).

But I think that this preparation for the funeral has been full of moments of consolation. God has spoken to me in some amazing ways during this process, and I've really enjoyed planning the service. I also had a wonderful talk with my father-in-law about funeral sermons, one of the best conversations that he and I have had. I am very blessed that Jess' dad is an ELCA minister and that he is very open to helping me out with ministry questions. I'm also very blessed to have a friend and mentor like Matt Pennington who is always willing to read over my sermons and papers for seminary and is always challenging me to go deeper push farther.

So this is how Jess and I have experienced the circle of life in its fullest of late. The only thing more we could do is watch the Lion King or bring down an antelope with our bare hands and teeth.

Well, that's all for now! You stay classy, World Wide Web!

Love,

Jess and Wes

Snow and Other Things

Jess: So, as some of you may know, after going almost all of the end of 2010 with no snow, we have now had probably close to two feet of snow since the day after Christmas. This makes Wes very happy, because Wes grew up in Texas, Hawaii, and Guam, and has never really experienced snow. For Wes, snow is a wonderful, beautiful thing that makes the world look magical.

I, on the other hand, have been completely ruined by all the snow I had to shovel, drive through, miss fun events for, etc throughout the first 18 years of my life. Snow means the car is so cold I shiver for the first 10 minutes of every drive. Snow means I might have trouble getting to work (I didn't care so much when it meant missing school, though). Snow means spending hours shoveling the driveway only to have more snow blow on it. Basically, I'm a snow cynic.

I have to say, though, that seeing Wes in the snow has made it an entirely new experience for me. Sure, I can't forget all of the times my car fishtails, the driveway is invisible, or I miss out on making money because of snow (not to mention almost getting buried in snow by a plow while I was driving yesterday). But seeing Wes practically jump up and down with excitement at the first flake of snow reminds me of something important: snow is part of creation--God's creation. So snow IS magical, wonderful, and beautiful. Just because we have become completely dependent on our cars and our ability to make money doesn't mean snow is any less magical or beautiful. I can look at it with fresh eyes again. And if we ever bother to buy some snow boots, pants, jackets, etc, I'll be right out there jumping in it with Wes. I'll probably also eat some, because it's delicious.

On a completely different note, Wes and I are both making a great effort to be healthier in 2011. My dad got us a Wii Fit for Christmas, which has been invaluable because of all the snow. We both love it--especially the exercises where we can watch TV while working out. In addition, we've made a pact to not eat any sugary foods (a pretty loose term, but basically no candy, cookies, etc) or drink any alcohol for this week. I've found that making goals for a week makes them pretty simple to achieve. By the time you get to the point where you're really craving whatever it is you gave up, you're already halfway there. We're also hoping that doing so will tone down our bodies' desire for such foods, and we can focus on healthier foods even after the week ends. Next week, we're going to cut down on our TV watching, and the week after that (if I can convince Wes), we're going to give up coffee and soda. We'll see how it goes, but I'm pretty happy with the results on the scale so far!

Wes:
We are so not giving up coffee and soda. Just. Not. Happening.

But hey! It's snowed so much! I'm absolutely loving this! I mean, it is such a magical sight when the world is dressed in white. By the way, that's a line from the second Frosty the Snow Man movie. It makes me happy, so I repeat it to Jess every time we go outside and see the world covered in a blanket of awesomeness. The snow is cold, it is crisp, it is pretty, it is fun, and it looks super cool. Also, everyone looks really cool dressed in heavy coats and and scarves. I like it.

I will say that I am very blessed that our neighbor owns a lawn a plow service and that he takes care of our driveway for us. I've only had to shovel once, and it wasn't one of the bad ones that we've had either. It's been awesome being able to enjoy the perks of this winter wonderland and not having to deal with the set-backs of it. I can very easily deal with the salt on the roads (and on our car) and with the knowledge that at some point all of the snow becomes slush. I am just loving the moment: everything is clear, everything is beautiful, and everything is magical. I love it. Also, stomping into the snow like a monster and leaving really deep footprints is really, really fun. The only thing left to do is to make a snowman. I've always wanted to do it, but I've never been able to. Also, a snow fort. Or an igloo. But that's later when I have lots of people to help. Really just two or three people. Or one or two really excited and energetic people. Maybe just me...

So here's the deal with this whole getting fit thing: I've never made a New Year's resolution before. I've always thought they were kinda silly and most people give up on them after a month anyways. So I tend to make my goals away from the New Year, thinking to myself that I might have a better chance to keep them. This sometimes works and sometimes does not. But I decided to live vicariously through Jess' resolutions this year, and getting fit is one of them. I've been using the Wii Fit every day, and am trying to lose some weight and be healthier. I feel a lot better, and definitely would not mind dropping a few pounds.

Also, I'm taking a Methodist Polity class for my short-term this semester. I'm enjoying reading about the inner-workings of the church, and I am excited about being better equipped to change the things in the church that need changing. It is a lot of reading, though. Like, 500 pages a day. Tends to be a little much.

Well, that's all! We hope that you have a wonderful week, and enjoy the weather wherever you're at, especially if there's snow involved!

You stay classy, World Wide Web!


-Jess and Wes

Happy Anniversary

Jess: Well, the rest of our Christmas holidays were great. We had a wonderful time with Dad and Josiah, and had a nice relaxing end of the year. We had our first New Year's party, and I think everyone had a pretty good time. I've never had so much leftover food in my entire life!

So Saturday was our anniversary, and we had massages, reflexology, lunch, and pool/jacuzzi time at a spa, then we went to Freehold, walked around a little, and had dinner at the Cheesecake Factory. All in all, it was an absolutely wonderful day, and I really enjoyed our first anniversary as a married couple.

In that spirit, we decided to make a list of some of the things we have learned about marriage during this first year. We like to consider ourselves experts at this time. First, though, Wes pointed out all of the stuff we've done over the past year, and it's a pretty extensive list:

Got married, moved cross country, started seminary, started new jobs (me twice, Wes once), moved again, hosted our first parties in our own home, cooked our first ham and turkey, hosted Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year's, and much, much more.

Now, for the awesome list (Wes/Jess):
1. Not picking "sides" of the bed doesn't really work out. We tried to switch off, but now we pretty much have sides unless Wes gets up first and sleeps by the alarm.
2. Eating in front of the TV is perfectly acceptable, but eating at the table and talking about our days is a wonderful way to wind down each night.
3. The best way to end the day together is by praying together.
4. Taking a walk together is a wonderful way to spend time together and exercise, whether there's an important issue to talk about or just to have fun together--as long as no one brings their cell phone. (Also, we discovered a path to Narnia).
5. The radio in the car is always controlled by Jessica, whether she's driving ("The driver gets to pick the music!") or riding ("It's dangerous for you to pay attention to the radio while you're driving!").
6. Going to bed at the same time as the other person really does make a connection--even if that other person falls asleep faster than you and snores like a polar bear (Weskimo?).
7. Having someone to come home to makes even the most stressful days bearable (ahem Starbucks...seminary...).
8. Furnishing, decorating, and organizing a house together is extremely stressful, but ridiculously rewarding (Shout out to all the people who helped our cross wall explode into awesomeness).
9. "Whatever you say, dear" is not always the best answer.
10. Even with a spouse, yard work still sucks.

Wes: That's all for now. Jess already said everything there was to say.

You stay classy, World Wide Web!

-Jess and Wes